Are There Any Roles You Want to Release?
Summary of Relationship Systems Intelligence Roles Discussion
Thank you to our Relationship Systems Intelligence Group for another incredible discussion. We talked about how roles function within relationship systems, examining the types of roles we play, which ones we want to keep, and which we might want to release. Below is a summary.
Key Concepts Covered
Types of Roles (The Strata)
Outer Roles: Job functions (e.g., social media manager, CFO)
Inner Roles: Emotional regulation functions for the system (e.g., nurturer, cheerleader, rebel)
Secret Selves: Parts of ourselves we may not show in all systems (e.g., the singer, the rebel)
Ghost Roles: Influences from people who are no longer in the system (e.g., "that's how Joe always did it")
Important Insights
Roles Belong to the System
When someone leaves, the system must fill that role. For example, there was a quiet marketing person whom everyone loved. When the team member left, their input and support were missed. Many of the team members were less happy and also left.
Identity vs. Role
Being merged with our roles ("I AM the CEO" vs. "I'm currently serving as CEO") creates vulnerability when the roles are challenged or when we leave positions.
How do you think about the roles you play?
Which roles do you see as part of your identity?
Common Role Issues
When a system isn’t functioning optimally, there are often issues with the way the roles are filled. Below are some of the most common issues encountered.
Poorly occupied roles (people not doing what is expected)
Role confusion (unclear expectations)
Need for new roles or Outdated roles (those that are no longer needed but still filled)
Role nausea (someone feeling exhausted or stifled by doing the same role)
Role blending with identity (difficulty with expectations or detaching, taking things personally)
Reflections
What roles are you currently filling in the systems that are most important to you?
Review the role issues (above). Are any of them impacting systems that are important to you?
Revisit your vision and values. Where do you see alignment?
What roles do you WANT to keep?
What roles do you want RELEASE?
Examples
Releasing Problem Solver and Project Manager to make room for Strategic Thinker and Motivator.
Releasing Toucher of Dishes (kids leaving dishes near the dishwasher and me putting them in because I’m so happy they are home for a few days) to lean into Supportive Mom of Adults
In summary, while we may play specific roles in our work, family, and other systems, most of us are currently filling numerous roles across all our different systems. Understanding that roles belong to the system (not to us personally) can help us make conscious choices about which roles we want to play and which we want to release.
